Yeah, motivation Monday sounds snappy…but sometimes it needs to roll over until Tuesday. I was just thinking….
What if your darkest moment was really disguised as your brightest?
Yeah, motivation Monday sounds snappy…but sometimes it needs to roll over until Tuesday. I was just thinking….
What if your darkest moment was really disguised as your brightest?
Hello and Happy Sunday. You know what that means ~ another blog update! So, lets all take a deep breath in and let out a collective sigh, that this is happening ya’ll.
Fear comes in many different forms depending on the situation involved. That’s a really big news flash for you and it doesn’t take a Psychiatrist to charge you a $100.00/hr. to figure that one out.
The fear of a test, water, bugs, planes, crowds or dangerous events…the list is vast.
Merriam Webster defines fear as “anxiety and usually loss of courage. fear of the unknown dread usually adds the idea of intense reluctance to face or meet a person or situation and suggests aversion as well as anxiety.”
Ooh, the loss of courage. That just sounds bad, but alas, tis true. The loss of strength and courage to complete or face a task. Damn…that sounds real bad.
Fear can have a positive effect such as fleeing a burning building. But for many, fear causes anxiety and plays on our inability to understand unknown events. Therefore, we fear unnecessarily before the outcome is really understood or known.
What yellow brick road am I taking you down this time you ask ~ hills of course. You know those beautiful tree lined things in the forest or whatever rural area you’d like to wrap your head around tonight.
I fear hills. Or better ~ I fear my inability to get up the hills. Or better yet ~ I fear my inability to get up the hills and fall. There…now we get to the crux of the situation. The final outcome has three possibilities 1) I get up the hill, 2) I’m able to unclip in time and walk up the hill, 3) I am convinced I am Wonder Woman and therefore find out otherwise and fall on the hill.
This weeks training ride was to be around 40 miles. I drove out to Prince William Park early Saturday morning, the weather was great and I was in the mood to ride. I could tell in the first 10 miles this wasn’t going to be an easy ride. I was a little winded and frankly a little tired this week. Then it became mental and fear set in or should I say anxiety. When I reached mile marker 7 I actually started feeling a sense of dread, because I knew what was coming at mile 8. This was fear, I was already thinking in my mind that I wasn’t going to be able to climb three consecutive hills for two miles, much less do it three more times. Even though I had done it the previous week. I had no idea what the outcome would be, but I was already thinking the worst. I was thinking about unclipping, I had the fear that I was going to fall. Riders know the pain from that one. If you’ve never clipped into pedals on a bike, it’s a sobering experience. Everybody falls. That is the mantra. But….it’s scary. Trying to unclip when the shit hits the fan…is well scary. Must I say it again? Yes…it’s tres mui. And falling…hurts. I have had anxiety of falling since, well, my last fall.
I pass the 8 mile marker and immediately I’m in a dark zone of anxiety. I round this corner after descending feeling all soulful, then the bike Gods thunder ~ “God giveth…and he taketh away”! Oh yeah, he took it away ~ that feeling of riding down a hill, green trees lining the street, wind in your face, creek on the side of the road and the beware of bears sign….yeah good times. I round that corner and it hits you in the face. It doesn’t even kiss you first. It’s just like…let’s get to the good stuff. This was the first one. Let’s call it, baby. I manage to make it up this one, heart pounding out of my chest. My eyes look like that kid from the Little Rascals. I’m even practicing getting out of my seat. I make it up, but there is no smile on my face. Then there is a teaser hill to follow. No one likes a tease. You descend a bit then there is a little climb…then Papa hill is right around the corner waiting for you. Kind of like when you were a kid and acted up at school, you knew that Papa would be waiting at the door with the belt to give your ass another go when you got home for slapping another kid at school. Southerners will know exactly what I’m taking about. Well, lets just say ~ my ass got beaten in a major way. Halfway up the hill I was done. I wasn’t even going to try it, because I was so afraid of falling. Even unclipping was hard (especially if you try to do it ascending) and I began to panic a bit. I unclipped and did the walk of shame up the hill. I was mentally done for the day. I then made the plan to just ride back and forth and avoid the major hills. Wasn’t even gonna try the Momma hill. No.
The only way to get around this can be with more practice and mental clarity. I love the mental challenge that cycling gives me, but as you can see I have a long way to go. Challenge accepted 🙂 It’s just one of those things I’m going to have to get past. Focusing and being present would have helped too. My mind was too busy concentrating on something that didn’t even happen or may not have happened. The fall. This can happen in every day life. Wasting so much energy on the unknown. Courage in all ways….
Ok, squirrel moment ~ what happened to the spell check on WordPress, anyone know?
Back…I have continued to gain miles for 9 straight days. I had 60.20 miles for the week with my long ride coming to 22.87. I have 4662.78 miles waiting for me to grow a backbone. A few pics from the week:
This week’s song is by the Toadies. Awesome and describes this week perfectly….
“When I’am away….come on in, yeah”
Happy June! The year is going way too fast. I can’t believe it’s already June. As I write this blog it seems like I have been here so many times before over the years. The miles are slowly lessening as the years pass by. The changing of the seasons and I keep moving forward.
I have been using my new Vivoactive for about a week now and I really like the way it handles. It does a lot of what the old one did, but easier to activate etc. More streamlined.
The exciting news this week is I have formally registered for the 2019-37th Annual RBC (Reston Bike Club) Century on 25 August. Interesting that this is being held in a extremely hot and humid month instead of October. Hmmm…I guess that will add to the challenge. I have begun training with my longest ride being 60 miles. As I mentioned in my last post I have moved away from training on the W&OD trail to Prince William Park. Less people and more of a challenge. I will continue to update on my training progress.
I have been trying to do a little something something every day. Miles that is and I’m on a three day run. Let’s see how long I can keep it going. It’s warm now so rain or shine I should be able to get out and buy some asphalt.
Some pics from the week:
This week’s long ride was out on the Mt. Vernon trail and came to 19.97 – lol. Just couldn’t stand to go an extra .03. Hey it’s where the trail ended and the watch went “click”. Like I said before, let it go. Clock it, log it, move on. Rolling in some old miles earned on April 7th came to 4.81.
Today I went back out to Mt. Vernon Trail and laid down 6.03 walking miles. The body is feeling good and my faith is exceptional. I was able to complete 38.43 for the week with 4722.98 miles gratefully remaining. Today on my walk, the trees are all filled in with the many spectrum of greens, the air weighed heavy with humidity and there was a slight breeze blowing. My soul is at ease and I hope yours is too…Happy Miles to You!! This brought me peace today as I was walking. Such a beautiful song:
Hello my friends…yes I know my blogging is sucking…majorly. Just call it Hooverville. I promise, I’m slowly getting my creative juices flowing. Many times I have all these words in my head, but a hard time getting them out on this electronic paper. They are slowly manifesting from thoughts into words. Taking some time off had benefits and some certain realities. One, I just allowed myself to be for a while. Think about what I was doing without taking it too seriously. The question I hear you asking…“so you took it seriously?”. Uh, well think about it…I keep a spreadsheet…lists…photos ~ crazy baby! Hell yeah! But yes, I do take it seriously.
Two, it was hard recapping the miles I did complete. I was doing a lot of miles inside because of the weather. I would do my miles then take a picture of the machine. I was doing about 17 miles a day for a while on the stationary. As I was looking through all the pictures I said screw this I’m not counting these. Screw it. Let it go. I can hear my Dad saying, yeah those miles aren’t real miles. LOL!!! I love it. I love my Dad. He is hard core. So, I’m living in the light and like most things wondering how I could possibly make this more difficult? Hmmm, so glad you asked ~ from this point I will only count miles I do out. Challenge accepted! No more treadmill or stationary bike miles counted. Take a deep breath…let it out. Good. No? Oui, so, so good. Sometimes you just have to let it go. See it for what it is and what you need. I needed to just keep moving forward and enjoy what I was doing. I was in transition from becoming less of a runner and more of a cyclist. Processing what all these miles mean and next steps.
I’ve lost a good and trusty friend. Yes, my Garmin Vivoactive has bought the farm; is six feet under; iced; or what other descriptor you would like to give. She gone. She was a good lady. Tracking all those miles for four years. But she slowly began to tell me, she was ready to move on, join the other GPS tracking devices in the sky. Just like that, she breathed her last….. Wow, I’m almost getting a little broken up about an electronic device. But before she breathed her last she gave me a big middle finger and left me hanging on last weeks ride. Just sayin’. If you think about it, what better way to go then just say, smell you later! That added to my mileage count frustration. I tried to use my iWatch, but it wasn’t the same. It was like a drunk girlfriend. I constantly had to tend to her and never knew when she was going to blow. Sooooo…
I sauntered down to Best Buy and bought the Vivoactive3. It was the last one they had on the shelf.
I had to laugh at this picture. Look how far the design has come. This was one of the first ones and looks like a mini tablet! LOL!!! It still has power too! But just not tracking. I haven’t even charged the new one. Looking forward to testing it out.
Went to Prince William park for this weeks long ride. Most weeks I have been riding out on the W&OD trail. Beginning to end it is close to 100 miles. You can pick up the trail at various points along the way and it ends in Purceville, VA. Good ride, but lots of people which makes it difficult to run full out on the bike.
Prince William park is much better. Not crowded and a good course to train with both flat and hilly areas. This was the first time I road out there and I will be honest, it was a little difficult. The loop was 10 miles. The last two miles are three steep hills. I was good the first two loops, the third I couldn’t complete the hills. I will admit, it was a hard challenge. This is a good thing, because I have found a good area to train ~ both beautiful and challenging. A few shots:
I captured some of my miles from March and logging what I did this week. I will keep going back until I recapture all the outside miles I did until I’m finally caught up. Total miles this time around came to 49.82 with 4761.41 gratefully remaining. Letting it go, breathing deep and moving on…so very on…it’s all good. Perspective.
You’re welcome 😐
Happy Sunday my 11315 friends! There is nothing better than the second half…am I right? The first half (whatever your half may be: life, school, or miles 🙂 always seems to be a learning experience. It always seems after you’ve been doing a task after a while you really learn it and become proficient. Once you become proficient you can learn to improve and eventually enjoy! At 51 (OMG really) I seem to still be learning this lesson not only for miles but in life as well. But every step I take is wonderful in its own way and I am grateful that I can take those steps.
That’s the way I feel about my mileage journey and of course life itself. If there is something I can say about myself, I have a very strong will in all things. I don’t like to fail. Some life events have been easy and others not so much. But I have always looked at things from a glass half full type perspective and strive to do my best and be positive. Today is the first day in a while there was a break in the temperature ~ 66 degrees. I see people out running and realize that I can’t run long distances because of my back. Well I can, but the repercussions will speak for themselves. Kinda sucks to be honest. Matter of fact the other day I saw people out running and in my mind I said “screw it” I’m going to run that marathon ~ “whateves”. Then I pull myself back and realize that for my health, I can’t and I have to find other ways to get those miles. All is well, I have a beautiful bike and there are so many other ways to get those miles that will be filled with adventure.
Tomorrow I go and get the cortisone shots in my spine. Hmmm. My Dad had them and said he didn’t feel anything. Again I say hmmm! I had cortisone shots in my knee after my surgery. All I can tell you (sorry men) but this was worse than a labor pang. It was a different kind of pain than being in labor. But it hurt sooo bad. Let’s hope tomorrow goes somewhat smooth with little pain.
Mileage this week was done on the trainer resulting in 37.33 miles. When I’m on the trainer I usually go for an hour and can max about 16 miles and some change. This time I was able to get over 17! Looking forward to some warmer weather so I can get the bike out more. I have completed 6503.77 miles in my journey with 4811.23 miles remaining. I hope this post finds you with a burning desire for life and love. Is there anything else? Happy Miles to You!!
Saw this fitting…. “that’s what people say…” LOL only if you really knew….
Happy President’s Day my friends! I almost said happy Sunday. A friend of mine reminded me that this is the last federal holiday until May. Hmmm, might need to take a day here or there before then.
Took a little break from blogging last week. When you have been doing it this long, a break is good. I haven’t taken a break from cycling though. I continue to move forward. The weather here hasn’t been great, so a lot of indoor cycling. I was annoyed because my trainer I purchased isn’t turning out to be great and I will have to look for another…what are you going to do right? Lot’s of gym time and finally this Sunday we had a bit (I mean a bit) of blue sky and I decided to take the new bike out for a ride. I went back to the Mt. Vernon trail and this time there was NOTHING in my car. I actually rode around the parking lot a couple of times because I didn’t want to leave the car alone.
I finally left the security of the parking lot and hit the trail. All I can say is #AMAZING. Love the Fuji Grand Fondo and the tires are a little larger than my old bike and it just handled fantastic. Absolutely loved the ride. Unfortunately, the temps didn’t get out of the 30s and my hands were cold even with gloves. I was only able to get 5.56 on the trail before I had to circle back.
A few shots:
Miles for the last two weeks came to 94.02. Looking for warmer temps to expand my cycling routes. I have completed 6466.04 and have 4848.96 miles gratefully remaining. I hope this post finds your heart grateful and happy. Happy Miles to You!!
Happy Sunday everyone! Wow, January seemed to have blown by and now we are into the month of love or not depending on your take on things. You know how the song goes…”If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with”.
As you might have recalled from last week, my car was broken into and therefore, the blog post I wanted to write had to wait until this week. I just didn’t have the mental energy last Sunday. Good news Safelite™ came out and repaired my window and I’m back in the car business. Bad news, according to my friends this will happen again. Welcome to DC.
2019 has started of with a bang. I was furloughed for the better part of January and I finally went in for my MRI of my back. I knew going in that something wasn’t quite right. I have been experiencing a very directed pain in my lower right back for a while. Did I ever mention I really hate going to the doctor…yeah well, not always the best thing, but yes I don’t like going to the doctor. After waiting for a week…the diagnosis is in! I’m going to look at this from a glass half full perspective. I’m not upset, no defeated (quite the opposite)…I am unbreakable.
Have you ever seen the Netflix™ show Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? It is the life Kimmy after her rescue from a doomsday like cult. She and the other “mole women” are trapped in an underground bunker for years, rescued and released out into the modern world. It’s quirky and funny and Kimmy Schmidt learns to put a positive spin on not so positive situations.
I have been diagnosed with spondylolisthesis in L1 – L5 of my spine which is causing degenerative arthritis. The doctor also thinks it is congenital issue that worsened with age. You can’t spell it without LOL in the middle. Get it? Hell, I still can’t even pronounce it correctly yet. “Spondylolisthesis is a slipping of vertebra that occurs, in most cases, at the base of the spine. Spondylolysis, which is a defect or fracture of one or both wing-shaped parts of a vertebra, can result in vertebrae slipping backward, forward, or over a bone below”. Thank you, WebMD. In some places I have bone on bone. What does this mean for me? I know what you’re thinking…settle down, breathe and don’t get carried away…it ain’t over. It means the running part of my journey is over. Yes, you read that right the rest of my mileage journey will be earned cycling or walking/hiking. Say hello to cycling Laurel.
When Dr. Cherrick, told me the news I was a little put out and then became a bit defiant. I mentioned to him that all of this would just have to wait because I have already begun training for the Shamrock Marathon in March. He just let me prattle on for about two minutes looking at me with annoyed eyes, mentioning that he can’t stop me from running, but then added…I wouldn’t do the race. He left the office to bring up my images and then I saw the arthritis in my back and then the places where there was no cushion. He continued on that I was close to needing surgery, but wasn’t that far gone if I changed my habits and committed to cycling which is low impact. The fix is facet injection and more physical therapy if I so chose. The other option is fusing the vertebra together. Uh, no…nada, nein. Not.Going.To.Happen.
As we used to say in the Army, if the path to the target has changed, adjust fire. That’s all this is…the target moved, I am adjusting fire. The goal remains, I just need to get there in a different manner. I haven’t run since the diagnosis and I haven’t had the pain I’ve been experiencing. Literally, non-existent.
I am excited and more determined than ever. Cycling gear is so much cooler than running gear. I absolutely love cycling and I fully intend to keep the energy high. I never do things small manner. My first ride was a century – lol. I also bought my first carbon frame bike – 2018 Fuji Grand Fondo. Sweet ride:
Now I just need better weather. My response to this diagnosis is 234.72 miles for the month of January with running (before diagnosis), walking and trainer rides. I also have broken the 5,000 mark in my mileage journey with 4958.98 miles gratefully remaining.
I remain with much gratitude in my heart and an unbreakable determination. It’s time to get road ready and conquer the rest of these miles. Life is good. When life gives you lemons…make lemonade. Adjust fire. Happy Miles to You!!
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